Heartbreak
by mckydstarlight
Summary: This is a tag to last night's episode, episode 12x04.


This is a sort of tag to last night's episode. I cried the whole way through (the fic, not the episode. I only cried for the last five minutes of the episode and then for three subsequent hours after, but that's not important.) All mistakes are mine and as much as I would love to, I don't own Supernatural or any of its characters. Hugs!

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The first time Dean Winchester's heart broke was the night that his mom died. He was too young to really realize what he was feeling, only that it hurt and that the only thing that helped was being close to Sammy. That was why he slept in the crib with him every night, to feel whole. As he grew older his heart slowly put itself back together, painful stitch by painful stitch, until it was finally fixed, and then Sam left for Stanford.

That was the second time.

After Sam left the only thing that helped was driving in the Impala, but there was no healing this time, there was no reason to heal, and then he had Sam back. Yes, Sam was hurting. Sam wasn't whole either. But that gave Dean something to fix and in stitching Sam back together he was stitched back together as well. Then Dad died.

That was the third time.

His heart was in two and nothing helped. He took it out on Sam and Baby. He beat her trunk with a crowbar until it was nothing more than a hunk of unrecognizable metal before collapsing into her front seat, shaking. Then Sam died.

That was the fourth time.

But this time it didn't just break his heart. It ripped it in two. There was no fixing this. There was only pain and then Sam was back and then there was Hell.

That was the fifth time.

But this time it didn't so much break as shatter. Every time Alastair's knife hit home it shattered just a little more until the pieces were so small that he couldn't break anymore and that's when he said yes and tortured souls. That's when it began to twist. It twisted for ten years until it was an unrecognizable mass of something dead. But someone recognized it. Someone recognized the good that he prayed was still there, and that someone pulled him out and forging his heart until it was whole again, but not without its scars. Then Sam said yes.

That was the sixth time, or was it seventh? He was beginning to lose count.

When Sam said yes and Lucifer disappeared wearing him, Dean knew that it was all over, but his baby brother was not going to die alone. So he pulled into that cemetery with the radio blasting, and watched his surrogate father, his best friend, and his baby brother die. That finished the job. He had no heart left. There were only tiny pieces of nothing. Lisa tried to put it back together, and he loved her for it, but there was no fixing it this time. And then Sam came back. After a year of nothing but pieces, he began to heal, but something wasn't right. Sam didn't have his soul, and the healing stopped. When Cas broke Sam's wall, his heart started to tear, and then Cas was gone.

That was the eighth time it broke.

But then Cas came back. He was alive. He fixed Sam. But Cas was broken. There was no healing this time. And then there was Purgatory, and it began to twist again. Benny stopped it. Gave him a purpose. A reason to live. "Get Cas and get back to Sammy," and then Cas didn't make it out.

That was the ninth time. At least he thought it was the ninth. He didn't know anymore, not that it mattered.

And then Cas was back, alive and well, but Sammy was sick. A supernatural sick, and every time Sam's cough rattled through the bunker a spike was driven just a little bit deeper into his heart because that was supposed to be him. And then they found the angel tablet.

That was the tenth time.

Then Sam finished the trials.

That was the eleventh.

Then Kevin died.

Twelfth.

Then he and Sam weren't brothers anymore. This time his heart didn't break, it was ripped out.

Thirteenth.

That was when he got the Mark of Cain. It was nothing but an annoyance at first. Then he touched that blade and his heart began to twist and grow black again, slowly at first but that didn't last long. Soon it wasn't even recognizable anymore. It was nothing but a tangled black mass that, much longer and there would be no going back. Then Charlie died. This time it didn't break or shatter or even tear. It was consumed. There was nothing left. Dean was gone.

Fourteen.

Then Rowena removed the Mark, and all of the blackness with it. His heart was full of holes and covered in scars, but it was his. He could feel it again. Then Sam went back to the cage.

Fifteen.

Cas said yes.

Sixteen.

When God showed up everything should have been fixed but all that happened was God being beaten to a pulp and leaving it up to them again. That was the end. There would be no more healing. No more mending. No more stitching. And then Amara gave him his mother back. Amara gave him the one thing that he could never fix. The one thing that he could never forget. The thing that had broken his heart the first time. And everything was ok. His heart was whole again. He had his mom back. He had Sam. He had Cas. They all had a home. He had Baby and the wide open road. His brother and his Mom were by his side doing what they did best. Saving people and hunting things. The family business. And then she left.

Seventeen.

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A/N Thank y'all so much for reading! Please review and if you're looking for some short reading I have a series of drabbles that I take prompts for. Head over and check 'em out!


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